Kat’s Window

The English language as spoken in Thailand is special indeed. At first it left me scratching my head in bewilderment. I was especially confused that the majority of Thai men were calling me “sir”.

“Sawadee ka” is how a woman says hello in Thai with “Sawadee krap” being the male version. The “ka” is a speaker-based gender marker that defines a woman speaker, just as the “krap” lets the listener know the speaker is a man. Almost every sentence in Thai ends with a “ka” (for women) or a “krap” (for men) because it is the polite form of speech. I become a “sir” as the result of Thai being translated into English when a male speaker translates the “krap” on the end of his sentence.

In Thailand cross-dressing, sex changes, and open expressions of sexuality are common and accepted. This has provided many nights of hot debate as I have argued with a table of friends over whether or not our waitstaff was a man or a woman. It seems none of us have ever come to 100% agreement in these discussions. One thing I am sure of is that there is no “sir” in the “ma’am” that I am but that in Thailand a feminine male will finish a sentence with “ka” if they wish.

Thai does not translate well into English because English has too many tenses, and pronunciation problems prevail. Well, I have tried to learn Thai and it was not easy for me. The fact is most Thais speak better English than the foreigners living here speak Thai so we have no right to complain. But I truly enjoy the hundreds of miscommunications that happen daily.

Thai culture does not like to use the word “no” or in general to be disagreeable. So they opt for “yes” with a smile at all times. A conversation may go as follows: “Do you speak English?” “Yes.” “Where is the bathroom?” “Yes.” The foreign visitor typically becomes highly frustrated or at times actually yells the questions again in hopes that volume alone will dissolve the language barrier. It may seem funny to point out but in Thailand people speak Thai and yelling English does not help someone learn a second language instantaneously.

Towns in Thailand that get a lot of tourist traffic have better English skills in general, but once you get way out into the country it is best to rely on the point-and-smile method for food and the hop-on-one-foot-and-smile method for the bathroom.

I am glad that English has not taken over in Thailand. There is an alarming mass of western culture here already. The western chains of supermarkets, gas stations, and convenience stores only give visitors a false sense of security. Just because someone works at a 7-eleven does not mean they speak more than a few words of English, if any.

Once while at a market in Chiang Mai I paused in front of a tea vendor to take a break from the heat and the visual overload for a moment. The sales clerk came up to me and with the nicest smile asked, “Are you interesting?” Well, it really caused me to think. I did not want to buy any tea, but am I interesting? Well, I like to think so at least.

Restaurant menus are cause for perpetual entertainment. With misspellings and strange translations sometimes I have ordered food simply to see what in the world I would be served. “Crush ben on bed” was offered at a restaurant in the middle of nowhere claiming to serve Mediterranean food. The black beans on pita bread were indeed quite nice. The pita bread was homemade and about six inches thick so it made for one cheap and filling meal.

Journeying into a national park one day, the sign on the way in gave me cause for alarm. It proclaimed, “The park which is closed is open.” I pondered a moment and my mind made the mental leap: Ah-hah, they mean CLOSE, as in near, and indeed close it was - just a hop, skip, and a jump away in fact.

Bumper stickers and messages on car windows can often convey confusing messages. Phrases like “SEXY ROAD”, “Love me love my dog”, and the one I saw today which filled a back window with “Blood! Colour! Water! Money!” go floating by leaving me bewildered.

Deciphering Thai-English or “thailish” can be challenging. Once I was cruising a country road at a good clip and caught a sign out of the corner of my eye. It said, “Derry Framing.” I thought, “I’ve got it! They mean dairy farming!” I felt really super smart. Only five minutes later did I realize that I was back in America for a visit and indeed, it really was a frame shop owned by the Derry family.

Spirit houses abound in Thailand. They come in all forms, shapes, sizes and colors. A spirit house looks like a miniature temple often elevated on a pole. Many times a long colorful cloth is tied around its base. Spirit houses are constructed on commercial, public, and private property and serve as homes for the spirits of the land.

An array of objects can be found on or in front of these spirit houses. These objects are offerings to the spiritual guardians of the land who reside inside the house. Glasses of water, candles, burning incense, elaborately strung flowers, fruit, food, and also miniature figures and statues representing the land deities with servants, wooden elephants, and horses to serve them all are used as offerings.

People pay respect to the spirit houses by giving a ‘wai’ (a Thai greeting of respect where palms and fingers are placed together and raised to nose level) and by making these offerings to the spirits living there.

Just as there are stores that sell tractors, bicycles, and books, there are also stores that sell sprit houses. Some are modeled after Thai temples while others look like traditional Thai houses. Any size or style of spirit house can be chosen. It seems that the bigger the house or institution the larger the spirit house erected outside of it.

Once a spirit house has been purchased it needs to be put in place. Interestingly enough, the spirit house is not put in place by Buddhist monks as one may think. Rather this is a rite performed by the Brahmans.

Brahman priests look totally different from Buddhist monks. Brahman priests dress in all white and have a knot of hair at the nape of their neck. Buddhist monks have shaved heads and saffron, yellow or orange robes. There are currently about ten Brahman priests living in Bangkok. They are attached to the Royal Court and can be seen at all Royal Ceremonies.

Brahmanism itself is an ancient religion from India and is both a predecessor and contributor to Buddhism and Hinduism. It can also be classified as Orthodox Hinduism. Brahmans have been in Thailand since before the founding of the Kingdom in 1238 AD. Brahmans believe that Lord Buddha was the ninth of 10 manifestations of the god Vishnu on Earth. Brahmanism plays a much larger role than one would expect in Thailand.

Today Brahmanism is the smallest minority faith in Thailand but still plays a major role. Brahmans are called upon for wedding, groundbreaking, and religious ceremonies. They give blessings to schools, shops, and homes. They also erect spirit houses.

Choosing the spot where the spirit house will be placed, at what day, and what time is a vital task. The Brahman priest asks the spirit of the land to come live in the house. Offerings are made to the spirit such as cooked rice wrapped in banana leaves, fruit, water, juice, and sweet meat. After the spirit house is put in place, it is up to the owners of the spirit house to take care of it from this day on. This task is taken very seriously. Spirit houses sometimes become old or tattered or even need to be taken down. The old spirit houses are placed in neighborhood “resting areas.” They are left in shady places under some trees.

The extremely popular Erawan shrine at the Hyatt Grand Erawan Hotel is one of the most revered spirit houses in downtown Bangkok. This shrine is dedicated to Brahma, one of the three main gods of Hinduism, and his elephant Erawan. Back in the 1950s the hotel site had many mishaps and misfortunes and the placement of this shrine was meant to counteract the bad spirits.

The air is filled with burning incense near the Erawan shrine. The area is teeming with street vendors selling ornate flowers, wooden elephants and other offerings. And it is usually packed with people making offerings, seeking luck, and expressing gratitude for their good fortune. If someone has had particularly good luck they might hire a group of traditional Thai dancers and musicians to perform at the Erawan shrine as a celebration.

Buddhism as practiced in Thailand typically mixes animistic and Brahmanistic features into itself. Trying to learn about spirit houses led me to many different answers from both books and Thai people about why spirit houses exist and what or who resides inside them. One thing is for sure, spirit houses are highly unique and something to keep your eye out for when in Thailand.

Once while walking on the island of Ko Kret, a small island in the Chao Phraya River in Bangkok, I came across a great festival. There were tents set up on a temple ground and people were laughing, eating, and drinking. A singer was jumping and hopping around with great energy. People were dancing and it was loud. A birthday party or anniversary or wedding for sure, I thought. Wrong, it was a funeral party, and I was confused.

My second experience with a Thai funeral happened in Surat Thani, a southern province often used as a stop over for people on the way to Ko Samui. I was wandering without aim along the streets when I spotted flashing blasts of lights coming out from a large doorway. A disco? Looking inside revealed dozens of strands of neon flashing, pulsating, swirling lights wrapped around a coffin. Even the flowers were decorated and flashing. I was totally amazed.

The third funeral I bumped into was at Donsak temple in Kanchanaburi province. It was aChinese funeral, festive with lights, monks chanting, food, and chatting. I was invited in, given a drink, and even some explanations of the event by a friendly guest.

A paper house at least the size of a large office desk stood on one wall. The family had built everything the departed would need in the next life out of paper. The house had furniture, a satellite dish, air-conditioning, a stereo, a rice-cooker, fans and more. Also included (on the lawn) were credit cards, writing set, a passport, and a medical bag, to name a few. It was all to be lit on fire with the body at midnight. The coffin was elevated in the air surrounded by flashing white lights and non-flashing flowers.

My last experience with death in Thailand was with a dead body rather than a funeral. We got lost driving in Mae Hong Song and did a U-turn through some large hospital grounds. It was a national holiday and there was a sunny and festive atmosphere out in front of the building. Many of the patients were lounging on the grass with their various crutches, wheelchairs, and bandages. They formed quite a crowd in a park-like atmosphere.

As I watched this scene two men rolled a corpse right through the middle of it. The body was covered in a thin green cloth. Only two bare feet were sticking out the end of the stretcher. Clearly dead. Nobody batted an eye, except me.

Moons ago I worked in two different hospitals in America. I am familiar with the top-secret modes of corpse transportation, the hidden back rooms for autopsies, and the back door exits for the dead. I have also attended some funerals. They were far from festive. Actually I felt the entire atmosphere was designed to make me feel as sad and devastated as possible. I definitely sense a different attitude about death and dying in Thailand.

I am not an expert on Buddhism nor would I try to explain the meaning of life and death for an entire nation or even the individuals I have seen attending funerals. I cannot tell you how they felt, only that on the outside they seemed to have a more cheerful or positive approach to the event. I have also noticed that it is common for people to take photographs throughout a funeral. This is something I would never do back home. The event is something I do not particularly want to remember.

I recently read the book Phra Farang: An English Monk in Thailand (http://www.bangkokpost.net/postbooks/). Phra Peter reports his first Thai funeral experience in the following way:

“Everything, including the coffin, was covered in flashing fairy lights and the whole display was back-lit with green neon. The room was quite small and contained not only the coffin and accessories but also a 5-piece brass and percussion band, the 9 monks and dozens of villagers. As villagers arrived at the house, each would approach the coffin and knock a few times on one end. We ate our breakfast sitting on the floor with the 8-foot high flashing coffin towering over us while the band played a very mournful dirge.

Although I found it quite bizarre, it was not at all undignified. The lights and colour were, I think, a reflection of the Thai people’s ‘healthy’ attitude to death. It is a time for grief but the family try to make the atmosphere as bright and cheerful as possible because it is not necessarily an unhappy time for the deceased who, hopefully, is on their way to a better life.”

This attitude and approach to death has provided me with food for thought regarding my own relationship to the subject. I know that one day I will die. I see acceptance and non-fear of death as a healthy attitude. I accept academically that life is a state of impermanence.

Back in my university days I wrote on my bedroom wall “This too will pass.” I meant it as a reminder for both great and horrible moments in my life that would all inevitably pass me by.

“I too will pass” is difficult for me to grasp. I’m still working on it.

I reflect on my younger years during evil gym class where I was picked last 98% of the time for any team. Occasionally we did obstacle course races with stationary objects with tire tubes, wooden horses, balancing beams, round and hollow cement tubes, and jungle gyms. For some unknown reason, I usually did quite well at this. But nothing, nothing in my life, perhaps even if I’d been a gymnast or a navy seal member or champion agility dog of the universe, nothing could have prepared me for navigating downtown Bangkok.

Trying to walk in Bangkok is one of the greatest physical and mental challenges one can face. I believe ‘Reach out and touch a high voltage wire’ should become the new city slogan. The following descriptions are based on pedestrian experience, as I am still not brave enough to drive here.

Stationary threats consist of large, small, or forming holes, raised slabs of trip ready cement, smooth marble slopes covered in sand thus turning them to ‘ice’, head-smashing staircases, decapitation fans with no coverings on their blades, bricks, half-full cement bags, garbage cans, open pans of boiling oil, hot coal stoves, gas tanks, dirty dishes, tables, chairs, neon lights, and stacks of food to bump into provided by your friendly array of food vendors.

Other stationary threats include human beings or animal obstacles, missing or crumbling sidewalks, gaps, cracks, and gashes in cement, walking terrain at 10-, 20-, and 30-degree angles, open construction areas, and karaoke singers. Perhaps the greatest of all stationary threats is the ignored traffic light and pedestrian crossing zone.

Please note that many of the stationary threats listed above may, for one reason or another, become a non-stationary threat at any time.

Non-stationary threats include boxes, packages, equipment, and things being carried by other people, pedestrians, pushed or pedaled vending carts, mopeds, elephants, motorcycles, bicycles, trucks, busses, and cars of every age, shape, color and temperament.

Other non-stationary threats include hot water being tossed onto the sidewalk, wafting fragrance of cooking chili peppers still capable to give a good sting, elbows grabbing for cell-phones, entering- exiting-U-turning vehicles of all kinds (perhaps on the sidewalk or in the wrong lane), live welding shows, tuk-tuks, push carts, taxis, dogs, wheelbarrows, and many many moving people.

Please note that many of the non-stationary threats listed above may for one reason or another become a stationary threat at any time. Policemen hold this interesting double category of stationary and non-stationary. They may sit harmlessly but then suddenly rise to give you a fine for littering or jaywalking.

It is virtually impossible to “auto-pilot” through the city. Sometimes even full-concentration won’t get me through safely. I think about the population explosion within Bangkok. The city just grew too fast to keep up with itself. There are no strict zoning laws that I am aware of and Bangkok doesn’t even have what could be pinpointed as a downtown area. I realize the mess isn’t really Bangkok’s fault but nevertheless I am still running the obstacle course of Bangkok, Thailand. My bottle of water is empty and I really need a shower.

Sometimes when combined with the heat, fumes, not knowing where I am, and wishing it would all be over with, I think I might just lose my mind. I don’t smell very good, don’t look very good, and am exhausted from the sheer concentration from participation in a live video game where I may not get a second quarter.

I curse the city. I curse myself for not staying safely indoors. I pray for fresh air and a green pasture. Some cows and one gurgling stream please with a side order of peace and quiet. Hold the chainsaw.

Then I change my negative attitude in an instant by imagining a herd of Occupational Safety and Health Administration (OSHA) officials, Food and Drug Administration bureaucrats, Act 250 enforcers and health inspectors taking on the city right along with me. I suggest that those of you who have the opportunity to take the downtown Bangkok challenge try this sometime. You are guaranteed to fall down laughing…if you haven’t fallen down already.

All of this is what makes Bangkok Bangkok. If all of these obstacles some day order or organize themselves or disappear they may even end up being missed.

While I was out taking photographs for this article I met Mr. William Thornton. He was navigating the streets of Bangkok in his wheel chair with absolute skill. Mr. William Thornton lost the use of his legs in the Vietnam War and has been wheeling around the world since then. He says Bangkok is one of the friendliest places he has navigated. He took off down the road faster than a taxicab when we were finished chatting.

Don’t let these scary streets of Bangkok scare you away. What you will see, smell, and hear while navigating them is more than worth the unique physical and mental challenge of it all. Your eyes are certain to be more than open.