Kat’s Window

Heading off into rural Thailand is like falling off the planet. You may only be gone for three days but it always ends up feeling like one week or more. Once you leave Bangkok and hit the back roads, life changes. Skinned frogs, curries, dried squid, and fish become viable breakfast options. Gas stations are sometimes scarce, but when in a jam you can usually find someone selling gasoline from glass soda bottles. Roadside vending stalls take over. It becomes difficult to find your favorite junk food snack or even feminine items, if you know what I mean.

Getting off the beaten tourist-hot-spot track turns the tourist into an attraction. As the metropolis of Bangkok fades, you become more and more of an anomaly. Everyone starts staring at you and you start staring back. This may sound scary, rude, or uncomfortable but actually it is my favourite part of any trip. This is the game called ‘watching them watching you’ and it can sometimes go on for hours.

Passengers in passing vehicles wave as you drive along. Reaching your destination, smiling faces, confused faces, and curious faces pop out of windows, doorways, and stores. People shout “Hello!” I have never had an unwarm welcome. It always amazes me. Life in sprawling high-rise Bangkok keeps people out of touch with each other. It is good to get your feet on the ground with everyone else.

If you go off and sit by yourself for a while, be certain a curious crowd of children will gather. After some gazing time passes, you can stick out your right hand and say “Hello.” You will receive a screech of giggles and the bravest of the bunch will inevitably come up and shake your hand. Sit long enough and the others will follow and may even begin practicing their English with you.

Rural Thai life is simple. These are small villages with small roads where everyone knows each other. Entertainment takes on different forms. Children play with deflated soccer balls, broken umbrellas, and make kites out of plastic shopping bags and string. Adults sing songs and gossip as they work. When a visitor pops in, it becomes the feature event of the day. It is almost like an alien landing.

Staring is considered to be impolite even in Thailand. I think the problem is that we end up finding each other far too interesting to take our eyes away. The rule about politeness becomes overruled by default.

In actuality, Thais make and hold eye contact more frequently than most visitors are used to. A friend visiting Thailand stated on his first day, “Argh, everyone is staring at me!” On the day of his departure he stated “I am really going to stop staring at people all the time before I get back to New York City or I am going to get beaten up!”

It may seem strange to the locals that as visitors some of us leave our air-conditioned rooms and hot running water for adventures in the middle of nowhere. We ride rafts, cruise on elephants, sleep in bamboo huts and use squat toilets. We leave the downtown club scene for rural karaoke bars and warm beer while the locals may dream of the excitement in Bangkok.

It is extremely important to dress appropriately in Thailand, especially when heading outside of the cities. Rural Thailand becomes more modest and less accepting of bare-skinned shoulders and cleavage. There are different kinds of staring. If you show up in your mini-skirt, tanktop, see-through clothing, bathing suit, or shorts you will receive a different kind of stare.

“Did you see that old man with the pipe?” “Did you see the man with the leaking boat bailing like crazy as he made his way across the lake?” “Did you see the woman with seven crates of eggs balanced on her head?” I chat away about the people we have met and seen. I wish I could be a fly on the wall to hear what they have to say about us. Perhaps the people back in the village are all saying, “Did you see those visitors? What do you think they were doing here? Did you see her hairy arms?”

I have taken pictures of everything from brooms to eggs to chickens to old cars. What is commonplace for some is fascinating for others. I put the shoe on the other foot. I picture myself living out in the middle of the woods in my old cabin in Vermont. I imagine a group of Thais walking up my road. I am certain they would photograph my vacuum cleaner, dog, and maybe even my car. We would stare at each other and I would wonder what they were doing there.

They say eyes are the windows to the soul. Human curiosity is a wonderful thing. When I shut my eyes I can still see the many faces that have shared their eyes with mine.

The ‘wai’ (pronounced like the word ‘why’) is the traditional greeting in Thailand. The ‘wai’ originated as a way of people showing each other they were not carrying weapons but has evolved greatly over time.

The ‘wai’ is not just a simple friendly hello or goodbye. As a general guideline, you press you palms and fingers together and raise them to nose level with a slight bowing of your head. The ‘wai’ is one of the most difficult things to learn how to do correctly in Thailand.

It is given at different heights, meaning sometimes your fingertips meet the level of your forehead and sometimes they meet the level of your chin. The higher your fingers are, the more respect you are giving. The ‘wai’ is filled with meaning and is hard for outsiders not used to Thailand’s clearly defined systems of rank and order to figure out.

The height of the ‘wai’ is determined by many factors relating to status: the outward appearance, age, job, position, education, and the social connections of the person you are greeting should all determine the height of the ‘wai’ given. The ‘inferior’ person ‘wais’ first and the appropriate greeting or no greeting at all is returned. The highest and most respectful ‘wai’ is reserved for His Majesty the King, The Royal Family, the Lord Buddha, and monks.

If the social rank between two parties is extremely different, the ‘lower’ party says hello and the other does not. For example, children, waiters, waitresses, taxi drivers, and workmen ‘wai’ but do not expect a ‘wai’ back.

To ‘wai’ or not to ‘wai’ and how to ‘wai’ correctly seem to be the big questions. It is better to ‘wai’ than to not ‘wai’. As a general rule of thumb I return a ‘wai’ at the same level it was given to me unless it is clear that I should not return the greeting. If I am unsure of myself, I smile and offer a handshake. I am also certain there are many times I have just stood around looking stupid or made a mistake. Actually, the more I learn about the ‘wai’ the more hesitant I am to use it.>br>
Thais attend social skills classes throughout their schooling. They are taught as early as the age of two how to ‘wai’ properly and these skills are practiced as vigorously as the ABCs and 1,2,3s. Thais accept the fact foreigners have a hard time figuring all of this out. They graciously either defer to the handshake or leave room for mistakes. They also tend to ‘wai’ foreigners less, not to be rude, but because they know Westerners do not greet each other in this way.

The ‘wai’ is mysterious in the sense that it can say everything using no words at all. The ‘wai’ is as much a part of Thailand as the handshake, the hug, or the kiss is to the West. As complicated as the ‘wai’ is for the West, all the hugging, kissing, and shaking of hands are equally bewildering for the Thai. I was recently discussing the ‘wai’ with a Thai friend. He said, “So, when you go home and see your father you shake his hand, right?” Wrong. I give him a big hug.

Western greetings are just as complicated. Family members and good friends get big hugs. At a business dinner, a firm handshake will do. Sometimes the ‘high-five’ is used. When two people are forced to pretend they like each other (i.e., you and your friend’s scary new girlfriend), the ‘fake hug’ can be used. Sometimes kisses are also added. In Switzerland friends exchange three kisses on alternate cheeks. In Brazil, it is only two and to give three means you are in love with the person.

While in Thailand watching the ‘wai’ makes for an educational and interesting time. Another thing to keep your eyes open for is the Michelin Man. Ronald McDonald gives his wave. The Colonel from Kentucky Fried Chicken stands seriously. The Michelin Man is special: He sometimes gives a ‘wai’.

This traditional wooden ‘wai’-giving Michelin Man is facing the danger of extinction. He is slowly being replaced by his new and improved plastic western waving-with-the-right hand version. His tires are being revamped. He is getting fatter. He is being faded out, brought up to speed, launched into the new millennium, and sometimes he is even forced to wear glasses.

I have a ‘wai-ing’ Michelin Man down the street. To my horror one day he was flipped around exposing the bare wood on his backside. I thought he was a goner and I panicked. A week went by and every time I drove past him my heart sank. I launched a plan to head down to the gas station and try to buy him but before I could do so, my prayers were answered. They turned him back around. For me, this is part of cultural preservation.

When I first moved to Thailand and began roaming my neighbourhood, I found a small store ten minutes away that carried all of those little emergency items like bread, milk, and eggs. I headed inside. The storeowner figured out I spoke English and took out the English grammar exercizes she had been working on for the last few months and asked me to correct them. No problem. She took 30 baht (75 cents) off of my bill for my services and then we started chatting.

She was armed with a list of questions. We did the standard-issue questions concerning name, nationality, marital status, and age. The next batch was more interesting. How much rent did I pay? How much money per month did my husband make? How much money did I make? What brand of car did I drive? How many cars did I have? Which exact house did I live in? What was in the bag I was carrying? Where did I buy it? How much did I pay for it?

I was totally shocked. I skirted the questions I did not want to answer, told her what was in the bag, what brand of car I owned, and where I lived. She seemed to like my answers and asked for my phone number. Then I went home and scratched my head. Where I come from you just don’t ask about annual incomes and mortgage payments on the first date. What did that all mean? Was she just rude?

I ran the story by a few people and got the answer. This chat was all about status and status is really important in Thailand. I have hung out with truck drivers, daughters of multi-national corporation owners, farmers, mechanics, CEOs, and even unknowingly had a drink with a real European Princess once. I always thought friendship was based upon liking each other, sharing some mutual interests, having a mental connection, and thinking the other person was simply a good person. I have since learned that in Thailand the rules change. It’s not always about who you are. It’s more often about status.

Status is generally based on your outward appearance, your age, your job, your position within your company, your education, your family background, and your social connections.

Status and rank is so obvious to Thais that they do not give it a second thought. Paying attention to it is natural. Everyone is aware of and totally accepts the pecking order.

Everyone has a ‘Pi’ (pronounced like the letter P) which means older brother or sister and everyone has a ‘Nong’ which means younger brother or sister. This relationship applies to everyone you know and not just members of your family. It is polite when speaking to each other to use these titles. For example, “Hello Pi Robert” instead of just “Hello Robert” is the correct version.

If you are one day older than someone else, you are generally considered his or her ‘Pi.’ Being the older sister or brother means you have to take care of your ‘Nong’. Being the younger, or the ‘Nong’, you must obey, serve, and respect your elder. It is important to know who your ‘Pi’ and ‘Nong’ are and act accordingly.

And it’s not always about age. If someone is of higher social status, you would automatically call them Pi or “Tan” which is a better indicator of a person’s higher social status.

When a group of monks make their morning alms walk, the monk with the highest rank and age is at the front of the line while the youngest is at the end. If you are Thai and are in a restaurant with a waitress, a chef, fifteen customers, and the owner, everyone in the room somehow knows where they stand. This relationship is not always clear to foreigners visiting Thailand but it is important to put some effort into figuring it out so you can avoid major social blunders.

With rank and status come uniforms. Many school children, university students, office workers, security guards, cashiers, and saleswomen, to name but a few, have uniforms and seem to enjoy wearing them. Back in the West we tend to like to flaunt our individuality. Here people generally like to flaunt their place.

Status can also be determined by a last name. We know names like Kennedy and Rockefeller. Thais pay a lot of attention to last names as a way to determine who is who and what their rank is.

Status determines how you greet someone, who you interact with on a social level, and how much respect he or she is given. It also leads to massive consumerism and buying on credit in an attempt to look wealthier than you actually are.

I really like my garbage men but I know it would make them uncomfortable if I attempted to befriend them. I think a smile, some kindness, and a tip go a long way in Thailand. The last time I went to visit the same shop owner she told me that I had gotten fat. Things are done and said differently in Thailand.

On November 11th under the full moon thousands of people will head to the rivers, canals, ponds, and even swimming pools of Thailand to celebrate Loy Kratong. They will bring ornate handmade ‘Kratong’ along and send them adrift. This visually spectacular event marks the end of the rainy season and the beginning of the main rice harvest and happens every year on the full moon of the twelfth lunar month.

‘Kratong’ are floating bowl shaped vessels usually made out of banana leaves and ‘Loy’ means to float. These Kratong typically contain a candle, three incense sticks and a small coin set among flowers. People light the candles and incense, make a wish, and send their Kratong gently out into the water.

It is an amazing visual spectacle usually complete with firecrackers and balloon like lanterns being released into the sky. Individuals take a moment to say a small or long prayer and make a wish before setting their Kratong adrift. Everyone hopes that their candles keep burning into the night, symbolizing longevity and that their wish will come true. Lovers hope that their Kratong float together. People sit and enjoy the spectacular sight of hundreds of Kratong on the water. Laughter and happiness is in the air.

Although there are towns famous for their Loy Kratong festivities, whatever body of water you head off to is guaranteed to provide a stunning time. The small pond in my neighbourhood provided me with a wonderful evening.

Whether you chose to buy your Kratong or make it yourself, the craftsmanship and care put into making these vessels is outstanding. I am perpetually stunned by the artistic skills Thais possess and they really give it all for Loy Kratong. Kratong come in all sizes, shapes, and magnitudes of brilliance. From the smallest to the biggest, each is wonderfully ornate.

Back in the old days these vessels were only made of natural materials. The modern age has introduced Styrofoam as a Kratong material. Styrofoam obviously floats well but is a non-biodegradable and can leave a real mess behind after the celebration is finished.

In some towns, huge parades of giant Kratong carried on trucks make their way to the rivers. Women ride on these Kratong and both the Kratong and the women participate in beauty contests.

There are different versions regarding the origins of Loy Kratong. Some say it is of Brahmin origin and is a ceremony of giving thanks to the water goddesses for providing the water needed for a good harvest. Others say the festival originates from a woman who lived in Sukothai over 700 years ago.

Her name was Naang Noparmart and she possessed amazing artistic skills. She enjoyed making decorative Kratong for fun and floating them on the water in honour of the Lord Buddha. Legend has it that there already was a tradition of floating lanterns in the waters at this time. His Royal Majesty the King of Thailand came to judge the lanterns and saw Naang Noparmart’s Kratong and gave her first prize. Naang Noparmart had created the prototype of today’s Kratong without knowing it. Sukothai now also hosts an amazing light and sound show for the Loy Kratong celebration.

A commonly held belief is that as these vessels float away they take the owner’s misfortunes and sins from the last year along with it. Loy Kratong even has its own song, which translates to: In November under the full moon shine/ Loy Kratong, Loy Kratong/ The water is high in the golden river/ Loy Kratong, Loy Kratong/ Loy Kratong is here and everyone is full of cheer/ We are all together at the khlong (canal)/ Each with his Kratong/ As we push away we pray for a better day.

All indications show that the ceremony of Loy Kratong began as a leisure time activity and was adapted into a Buddhist holiday at a later date. You can choose where Loy Kratong came from. At the end it is a day for rejoicing. It actually reminds me of something we all do back in my hometown.

Back in Vermont, U.S.A. we have a duck race on our local river. The local fire department raises money by selling plastic yellow rubber ducks (like the ones you put in your bathtub) with numbers written on the bottom. Everyone heads to the river and cheers for their duck to win the race. Believe it or not, the last time I did this my duck came in last but I still had an absolute blast.

There is a definite mystery and hope to watching your Kratong or your plastic duck float away. It is a time to hope for the best and to enjoy a special day with family and friends.