Kat’s Window

Almost three years into living here and yours truly still can’t keep track of time. Mom bought me a daily planner last year and penned in all of the important dates. While sitting in lush greenery and soaring temperatures under a blue sky and sporting a nice suntan, this Vermont resident was entirely stunned once again when the holiday season rolled around. Greeting cards went out via Federal Express on December 23rd. Then the author sat around waiting for it to snow and felt like she should chop some wood.

What is Christmas in Thailand like? For starters it is a commercial event with good cheer thrown in on the side for. Street vendors get their hands on piles of Santa hats (some with flashing lights) and also think that small plastic dancing Coca-Cola bottles go well with the holiday season. These bottles can be found boogying all over the city while being held up on plastic cafeteria-like trays.

All these initial warnings that Santa Claus was coming to town didn’t manage to get me into the swing of things. I read emails about turkeys and gifts and received holiday best wishes. I sat in my house realising that Christmas was around the corner and proceeded to do my shopping on the 24th.

I arrived at ‘Big C’ along with about five gigantic tour buses (’Big C’ provides free transportation to the store from factories outside of the city, very clever.) I proceeded to shop along with an explosion of Christmas lights, decorated trees, tinsel, Happy New Year’s signs and people.

The store stereo kicked it off with ‘I’m Dreaming of a White Christmas’, plowed into ‘Let it snow, let it snow’, moved on to a reggae version of ‘Silent Night’, rocketed into ‘Joy to the World’, eased into ‘Frosty the Snowman’, sang about winter wonderlands, wished us all a Merry Christmas and boasted that Santa Claus was coming to town. Then the tape loop ended and it all came around again.

I managed to put two bottles of wine, one remote control car, some children’s books, five rolls of wrapping paper, a roll of scotch tape, two strawberry yogurts and three greeting cards in my cart. Fellow shoppers took the opportunity to glance at what a foreigners’ ‘real’ Christmas buy looks like. Whoops. As someone who can’t stand shopping and has a 20-minute attention span for it, I think I did quite well.

Thailand is fond of gift baskets that come in a wide range of prices and contain items that I find quite pragmatic such as crackers, coffee, jam, juice, peanuts, fruit, condensed chicken broth and whisky. Other down-to-earth gift ideas include blankets, clothing, flashlights and shoes. Small plants, neon stickers, balloons, small stuffed animals, key chains and other trinkets are also popular purchases and gift wrapping counters are a hive of activity.

Although Christmas is not an official holiday for Thailand, December 25th found downtown Bangkok jam-packed with fun-seekers even though most had to head into work the next morning (some with aching heads, I am sure.) Christmas office parties are popular events, occur somewhere between November and January and often involve a karaoke machine.

Christmas is kept mainly to shopping centres, private parties and restaurants serving special holiday set menus. Groups of people gather together, yell ho-ho-ho, wear Santa suits, exchange gifts and engage in heavy eating and establish a merry oasis of holiday cheer.

Despite blasting carols, flashing trees, sales promotions, exotic dinners filled with food that Mom always cook better herself and people wearing reindeer antlers on their heads, Christmas barely manages to stand out. Perhaps this is because there are enough things happening in Thailand that are out of context, completely unexpected and utterly bizarre to the western eye. Therefore if Santa ever does manage to come flying through my front gate, I doubt I will bat an eye. Christmas in Thailand is like no other you will celebrate.

I spent Christmas with about 40 other people at an Irish pub. After an excellent meal, a gift raffle, a few drinks, lots of flashing Santa hats, many bottles of silly string and Christmas carols to boot, everyone was filled with the holiday spirit. We may have thought for a moment that we had somehow made it to the North Pole but a glance outside of the window revealed Bangkok carrying on its normal business. Nevertheless, we successfully created an out-of-the-ordinary holiday island of sorts (and reveled in it).

I still find life in Thailand wonderfully strange and celebrating Christmas here really took the (fruit) cake. As Thailand gears up to ring in 2002, I know to expect the unexpected. I have no idea where I will be but I am certain to have one heck of a uniquely good time. P.S. Happy New Year!

Getting in a Bangkok taxi may sound like a simple and relatively boring thing to do but nothing could be further from the truth. Flag down a cab and proceed to expect the unexpected. You can never be sure where you’ll end up or even if the driver has ever driven in Bangkok before. I have also never been in a taxi that was in good mechanical condition. Ever.

Dragging mufflers, loose shock absorbers, overheating engines, slipping clutches and U-joints that are about to explode are truly the norm. In my younger years I used to help my brothers and father fix cars. Honestly said, I am quite good at car diagnostics. That only means more fun for me on a Bangkok taxi ride.

Some drivers know about shifting gears but most seem to prefer to do it as little as possible. Nevertheless, every ride I have been on regardless of the near-death experiences or missed destinations they have caused me has been wonderful, even when they have been horrible.

One 3-a.m. ride left me cruising along with a highly energetic driver who laughed hysterically for the whole ride between snippets of conversation. The stereo was blasting static mixed with Thai pop. I was laughing back for kicks. Everything was beyond cheerful until we reached my dark and desolate street with its scary banana grove on one side.

“No way I am driving through here. There are too many ghosts!” It took over five minutes of encouragement before he continued. I had to show him a different road out. No way was he going back down that street without me in his car. He was more fun than all of the events that had culminated my late return.

Yet another interesting ride was when a friend and I attempted to get downtown from north of the city by taxi (which means we had to head south.) “Yes, yes! I understand!” said the driver who had probably just arrived from upcountry the previous day, rented a taxi, and hoped he would miraculously strike it rich. Off we headed at 120 kph on the super expressway to Ayutthaya (wrong direction, north!) We finally demanded to be let out.

There we stood, roasting on black pavement. We proceeded to walk and walk. Hours later we made it off the elevated highway feeling like we had crossed a tar-matted Sahara. We were pleased as we hadn’t gotten run over or fined for being up there. “Much more fun than visiting the Grand Palace!” my friend who was visiting from Switzerland joked.

A more recent drive found me next to a cheerful old man who proclaimed, “My cab is not well enough to make the drive downtown.” He then proceeded to bring me to another cab in worse condition than his (free of charge.) Off I went in Bangkok’s ultimate rattrap. The engine sounded like it was stuck in second gear and we were losing a shock absorber along on the way. We never made it past 65 kph but still managed to almost have a few bad accidents along the way. I was convinced the engine would explode at any minute. We both pretended that nothing was the matter with the car. I arrived (in due time) at the correct destination and proceeded to give him a nice tip for the unknowing entertainment he had provided.

It is not only the taxis themselves that are unique. Every taxi driver has his own customer/client attitude. (I haven’t seen a female taxi driver so far.) Some open the door for you. Others ignore you and start driving while you are still half way out of the car. Many simply flat out refuse to take you to your stated destination. Some plot on how to make the taxi ride as long as possible while others think they are being televised live on Formula One. Taxis can range from meticulously clean to battered, tattered, stinky and sticky.

Different drivers decorate taxis in different ways, but everyone is guaranteed to have an air-freshener. Taxi decoration can be non-existent or can be an ornate Buddhist shrine on wheels. Taxi windows can be forty-five percent covered in stickers of famous Buddhist monks and temples, clean as a whistle, fogged up or coated with a slick of rain. Windshield wiper use seems up to the mood of the driver.

Taxi rides can and do drive people crazy. Stuck in traffic, heading in the wrong direction with the meter running, or hurling down the street at two pedestrians and a cement truck leaves passengers on the edge sometimes. I choose to make the best out of every ride. To all of those Bangkok taxis and the drivers behind the wheel: Thanks, I can’t wait for my next ride.

I have been asking around regarding Thai dating rituals for some time. Everyone was willing to drop a clue or a one-line hint but was too shy to continue. A while ago I met ‘Miss Z’ She is a 22-year-old woman from northeastern Isaan who has been working as a receptionist for the last year in Bangkok. She is a straight talker and was more than willing to give me her scoop on Thai dating based on her own experiences.

When asked how Thai men show their interest in women, she replied, “It usually starts at the age of sixteen or seventeen. First they start looking at each other a lot and smiling. Next the man might ask if you want to go for lunch with him or send you sweet messages on pink paper saying ’someone is interested in you.’ He might also buy you candy, flowers, food, or a small necklace or other cute things.

First you must say no to his lunch invitation. Tell him ‘I am eating with my friends.’ Thai women really do like to eat together and we are shy. After he asks three or four times, I will go if I like him, but I will bring three of my friends with me. He will pay for everyone to eat but he will be very happy.”

After the initial lunch dates ‘Miss Z’ says, “The day after I eat lunch with him he will tell my friends to come to me and say that he likes me. He will ask if we can be together more. But our parents tell us to be very careful about our boyfriends. If we go out, we must go out with many friends or he might come to the house and talk to my parents. We could walk together during the day but never at night. Dating is more about flirting, eating together and watching movies.

“When I was younger, I went out my window at night to see my boyfriend. My father caught me and never let me out of his control again. If you are sexually active before you are married, it is very bad. Everyone will talk bad about you. I think about 70 percent of people in Thailand are having sex before they are married but it is a very big secret.

“I have seen western dating in movies. Thais are just too shy. Sometimes we will hold hands in public, but hugging and kissing is not good in front of other people. I have also seen that western people sometimes sleep with no clothing on. We wear pajamas to bed. I also think we do not kiss as much. We put our mouths together, but not all of that with the tongue.”

‘Miss Z’ is looking for a boyfriend. Her ideal man would be, “One who takes care of the family, who does not go from woman to woman like a butterfly, and does not drink too much or smoke. Many Thai men like to have many girls. If he is handsome, about forty percent of other women won’t care and will pursue him. I think twenty percent of Thai men are good. Most men say ‘If you love me, you will go to bed with me’ but then he will probably run away to the next girl and do the same thing. Wives get AIDS from their husbands running around on them but people are getting more careful about AIDS in Thailand. There are good men out there, but it is very difficult to find them.”

She was attending university in Bangkok when her father fell ill and died of cancer. Left with 200,000 baht (4,651 US Dollars) of debt and medical bills and a mother and two siblings at home, she sends the vast majority of her income home. “I share an apartment with three friends. It costs 4,000 baht (93 US Dollars) total. I can make 7,000 baht (163 US Dollars) a month, but I eat off the street and don’t spend my money.”

When asked what a happy life for her would be she stated, “Pay the bank, get a better job, take care of my mother, get married, and have children.” The unhappy life she fears is, “Having no money, the bank taking my mother’s house, finding someone I love and having him leave me.”

When asked about country life compared to city life she stated, “In Bangkok things are more out in the open, especially about dating and sex. I am not very happy in Bangkok. You have to be strong and look out for yourself. There are many things here that can make you go the wrong way or do a bad thing.”

Let’s hope ‘Miss Z’ finds her way in Bangkok and also finds the man she is looking for.

As I sit writing this article, Mom and Dad are out wandering the streets of Bangkok again. My parents don’t often venture far from their own kitchen table. On top of it all, this is their first time out of the United States. Dad’s size-13 feet aren’t doing very well on all of the staircases in Bangkok designed for size 6 feet. He can’t stop grazing at the street vendor stalls no matter how firmly I remind him of ‘the Bangkok belly.’ I am hoping that they don’t fall into an open sewer drain or get run over by a motorcycle driver. I hope they don’t get lost. I am also beginning to wonder who the parents and who the daughter is lately.

They both keep getting up at 4 a.m. and running out the door like firemen to find out what new level of chaos and question marks await them. To name but a few, the hustle and bustle, piles of trash, methods of construction work and the variety of food available on the streets has left them dumbfounded. So has the fact that US dollars aren’t accepted here. The lack of safety standards makes them cringe. Truth said, they are handling Bangkok amazingly well and hanging out with them is giving me a fresh perspective on the city. I was getting jaded, I guess. Motorcycles with seven people on them don’t impress me like they used to. But oh, my parents’ minds are completely blown on a minute-to-minute basis. Their eyes are getting wider all the time as is their global picture, if you ask me.

“Where is everyone going? What are the traffic rules again, please? How does this city function? Have you looked at your water system? How does a noodle vendor make a living? Why is everyone so happy? What rules, if any, are enforced in this city? Where are we? Where is the house? Did you know that there are 30 street dogs one block from here? Did you know that at 4 a.m. your neighbourhood is in full swing? What kind of engine is used in a long tail boat? Do you always get stuck at red lights for 15 minutes? Where are all of the fire trucks?” The questions come pouring out. Some simply have no answer and sometimes there are just too many questions.

Dad has been out making friends. He has been invited to go fishing and has been given free food. He knows about ten times more about people in my neighbourhood than I do and he’s been here for six days. He will stand on the corner and say hello to anyone. If they don’t understand English, he will simply talk louder. Mom will take some pictures as he does this, do some shopping, smell the food he’s about to eat and sometimes even try it for herself. Mom has even gone grocery shopping. They also have walked around my nearby park a million times.

We had plans to visit the Grand Palace, head to the beach, and even check out Kanchanaburi. Mom and Dad, they don’t want to leave my block. “We’ll be right back!” is the war cry. Several hours later they pop back up again.

They have found plane engine dealers, cement block factories, flea markets, ceramic producers and spent several hours at my local open-air market. Everything is an adventure. Dad helped a taxi driver fix his alternator belt on one of his recent journeys. There is no boredom. I can’t keep up with them.

They are always amazed that up to eight people wait hand and foot on them but nothing seems to go quite right despite the professional appearances. Managers can’t find the keys to the glass cases they want to look in. Things are never on schedule. Traffic jams slow their progress. “This is Thailand,” I tell them again and again.

“The people are so friendly here!” they proclaim before passing out in bed. They are making me look boring. I guess I don’t know these people that have landed at my doorstep as well as I thought, but yes, they are indeed my parents. They seem to think that Thailand is a new, abstract and improved version of Disneyland. I won’t point out that living here is a different story indeed and eventually some of the charm might just wear off.

At any minute I am expecting them to announce that they plan to retire here or move in with me. It is going to be hard to get them on the plane back to America. My parents are amazingly happy and I am happy for them. So I say thank you Thailand for the pleasant reminder of just how magic you are. And please, let my parents find their way back home today.