Kat’s Window

Dear Thailand,

I must begin by saying that writing this goodbye letter to you makes me sad. It seems like only yesterday that I decided to come live with you, but in fact it was almost four years ago. Time flies. Getting to know you was not easy but I have come to consider you a close friend. This friendship took a lot of hard work and understanding from both of us and I thank you for your patience and tolerance of me over these years.

Although we have had our ups and downs and there were some days when I didn’t even want to talk to you at all (you probably didn’t want to talk to me, either!), the truth is that I will miss you terribly. Your people possess a grace and kindness I’ve never known before and don’t expect to find elsewhere. I’ll miss your stunning countryside and the beautiful melodies that can sometimes be heard floating through your air. I’ll pine for your sleepy villages, overloaded pickup trucks and mysterious temples. I’ll crave for a shopping adventure at one of your grocery stores and a ride with one of your motorcycle taxi drivers. I’ll miss your prices too, I bet. But I know what I’ll miss most of all and that is your sense of humour. I’ve got to hand it to you Thailand, no friend has ever made me laugh more than you have.

To brighten myself up I have to remember the things I won’t miss about you, like your diesel fumes and the number of times I have ended up with the ‘Bangkok Belly.’ Your mosquitoes are crafty little pests, the guys who blow whistles in your parking lots give me a headache and sometimes you get so hot I feel like I am going to explode.

Looking out my window I have felt many different things: utterly confused, ecstatically happy, massively homesick, ridiculously lonely, serene and calm, exhausted or at peace with both you and myself. I can’t even begin to imagine what you must have thought looking back at me!

You must be wondering where I am going and why. You certainly should not take it personally! After giving it much thought, I have decided to attend graduate school in Australia. I am a bit nervous about this new adventure. It will be a culture shock all over again. Perhaps I’ll find myself accidentally flagging down red pickup trucks as they pass because I think they are ’song-taews’ or getting offended when people point their feet at me. But hopefully I can make friends with Australia, too. Time will tell. I have no idea what to expect once I land there but I didn’t know what to expect from you either.

Don’t worry. I won’t forget you. How could I? I have more photos of you than anyone or anything else. Plus all of my ‘Kat’s Window’ columns to reread from time to time, not to mention all of the friends I have that are staying here with you. If you think back to my very first column (Life Begins on Planet Bangkok, July 03, 2000) I ended the article by saying, “Especially in the beginning, living in Thailand is a feeling of being out of step, out of time, like a zit-faced teenager tramping on your partner’s feet. But at least your partner is smiling, because your dance partner is Thailand. Don’t worry. Time will reveal there is no better partner to dance with.” That opinion is truer now than ever and I can only hope that over the years I have become a better dance partner for you.

You have taught me more than you will ever know. I am leaving you with a drastically cooler and calmer heart, a much more open mind, and with a sense of accomplishment. It is because of you, Thailand, that I have received so many emails from readers around the world wishing me well. I appreciate this more than I can express. It seems the journey of our friendship made for some good tales and entertained many people along the way.

Yes, my window is closing but there will be a new one for me to open waiting downunder but you will keep your special place in my heart. Don’t take this as a goodbye, just as a farewell for now. I’ll be back. In fact, I doubt if I could keep myself away.

I will certainly miss you and I thank you for the years that we have spent together.

Your friend, Kat

And so the window begins to close. I’d like to thank many of my readers for sending in best wishes and several excellent questions. You are certain to find this week’s column more opinionated than those in the past. Please remember there are plenty of differing views out there. Off we go…

Do you think that the increasing number of western expatriates residing in Thailand is a threat to Thai culture and customs? Yes, but to a small degree. Western society influences Thailand much more through music, advertising, TV programmes and tourism. Tourists have more influence on Thai culture than expatriates as our presence in Thailand is quite minimal and we tend to think of ourselves as being more important than we actually are.

During your travels throughout Thailand, what do you see as Thai society’s greatest need today? A) More jobs. B) Less corruption. C) Better system of education. D) Better preservation of the environment and natural resources for future generations. A better system of education. Once people learn to think critically and independently, they are more likely to understand and act upon the other issues listed above.

What advice would you give to someone planning to move to Thailand? Keep an open mind, forget everything you learned back home and get ready for one of the biggest adventures of your life.

Do you have any insights one way or the other on life in Thailand for ‘African-American ‘farang’? Unfortunately, having dark skin is seen by most as being a ‘bad’ thing here. African-American ‘farang’ can expect to sometimes be treated with suspicion and discriminated against in Thailand. Dark-skinned Thai farm labourers would be treated with equal disdain.

Have you made any good Thai friends? Yes, definitely. But the definition of friendship is a bit different in Thailand whether you are a ‘farang’ or a Thai. Family comes first and friends are people that you have a laugh or eat lunch with. Friendship does not often evolve to deep or intimate levels.

If there were one thing you would change about Thailand, what would it be? I would like to see fewer people living in poverty. Being desperate for money drives people to do things they would not have to do otherwise, be it having their children work instead of attend school or being forced into prostitution.

And the one thing you wouldn’t change? I’d have to say the Thai sense of fun. Thais don’t wait for the ‘right’ time or place to enjoy themselves. A guitar and some snacks, next thing you know everyone is dancing in the park at noon.

Are Thais generally friendly or is it just a superficial thing? I consider them to be generally friendly and good-natured. Keeping a cool heart is a cornerstone of Thai values. The friendliness can be superficial at times, as it can be anywhere. When it is, it takes a bit more effort to figure it out because all of the actions appear the same on the surface.

Any thoughts on Thai-farang relationships? In many ways Thai society is operating on principles held in Western countries fifty years ago. A man is expected to provide for his wife and family and her family too. These relationships can work out, but due to cultural differences probably require a bit more understanding and effort.

What aspects of Buddhism appeal to you? I like the fact that the Lord Buddha asked his followers to try for themselves before believing any of his teachings. And also the fact that practicing Buddhism very much involves living in the here and now.

What are some of your more memorable experiences in Thailand? Travelling in the countryside is the best thing of all. You get away from the noise, pollution and hustle of the cities. Thailand has some of the most beautiful landscapes I have seen. The countryside offers visitors a step back in time, and the people represent the heart of the nation: warm-hearted, hospitable and mellow. But not let’s forget eating bugs, hitchhiking on tractors, getting completely lost in downtown Bangkok, karaoke bars and my garbage men. Yesterday I was eating lunch when the coke delivery guys came, dropped off their crates and proceeded to ask the owner for glasses of wine as their tip. A memorable experience is around every corner.

At the end of almost four years of living in Thailand, do you view your time spent here positively? Absolutely. Kat’s Window on Thailand only represents a fraction of what I have learned while here. It’s been a rewarding and sometimes frustrating challenge figuring out how to function in Thailand. One thing for sure, there has never been a dull moment and I still have not tired of looking out windows.

Being a foreigner in Thailand, you are bound to make countless cultural blunders no matter how hard you try not to. Sometimes simply being a farang is a mishap in the first place. Sure, Thais are used to seeing ’strange’ looking people from other countries in the cities but once you get out into the middle of nowhere, you are likely to make some babies start screaming at high volume for hours just at the mere sight of you. Others will simply stare while some might even think you are a ghost.

Over the years yours truly has had plenty of time to make quite a few cultural mistakes. Some Thais reading this might be offended at just how much I have messed it up at times, so please let me apologise in advance. Let’s start off with the rice bag story. Once upon a time I found a pile of used rice bags at a market. They had interesting graphics on them and were a steal at five baht each, so I bought a few. Later I decided to use one as a laundry bag. To me, a bag is a bag. To the woman I brought my laundry to, I was perhaps the rudest person she had ever met. “You should not put your dirty laundry in a rice bag! It is disrespectful!” she declared in an annoyed and aggressive tone that is quite uncommon here. I said I was sorry but wasn’t really sure what I’d done wrong until I did some thinking.

In Thailand it is rude to point your feet at Buddha images, other people, books and food. You would never step over someone’s meal if it were on the ground, nor would you point your feet at shopping bag full of groceries. But I’d gone ahead and put my dirty clothes in a rice bag, rice being the most respected food of all!

But other farang mishaps aren’t usually as big as this one and can involve accidentally falling into squat toilets, mistaking jars of hot sauce for tomato sauce, or mistakenly bumping into someone’s head with your arm or bag, or being foolish enough to attempt to sing karaoke in Thai to the aural detriment of all present. Being a farang also often involves trying to squeeze a gigantic backpack or suitcase onto an overcrowded bus to the amusement of most Thais who travel simply with one small plastic bag of food and another equally small bag of clothes. It also includes drinking too much ‘lao khao’ (rice alcohol) and finding yourself doing the ‘ramwong’ (Thai dance) in the middle of the street.

Despite all of my efforts to do the right thing, I have forgotten to ‘wai’ monks and even bumped into them. I’ve accidentally stepped on the door jam of temples and certainly pointed my feet in the wrong direction a million times. I have hung Buddha images at lower positions on my walls then other pictures and hung socks and bras up high on a washing line. I have been late in standing up at the movie theatre when the National Anthem is played and once was the only one in an entire train station who didn’t stop and stand at full attention while it was broadcast.
br> I have also been known to lose my cool and yell, perhaps the worst thing of all, and never managed not to stare when I see grandmothers (considered no longer to be sexual objects by Thai society) when they sometimes walk around topless. Perhaps the funniest mishaps of all are the ones that occur because of my incorrect use of the Thai language. I have told tuk tuk drivers, “Please just wait here for one week,” when I meant to say “one minute”, accidentally ordered many a bizarre food dish, unintentionally argued at the market for a higher price and ended up with two pitchers of beer when I meant to order one glass.

This article isn’t intended to show all the ways I have failed in Thailand. Rather it serves to remind me of all that I have learned while living here and all the laughs I have had along the way, most importantly at myself. It also serves as a thank you to the Thais who, despite my blunders and disasters, have greeted most mistakes with warm smiles, kind understanding, a laugh or sometimes a wide-eyed stare. Perhaps having ‘farangs’ in Thailand is more of a challenge for the Thais than it is for the farangs blundering their way through the experience!