Kat’s Window

Thailand recently finished celebrating Loy Kratong. People floated beautiful floral wreathes in rivers and lakes hoping that last year’s bad luck would float away with them, lit many a firecracker in the street and celebrated in every conceivable fashion over a three-day period. Beauty pageants, muay Thai boxing matches, concerts and fairs were all part of the fun. And so were parades. Lots of them!

One parade highlight consisted of a pick-up truck driver whose truck was pulling a float while he drank Singha beer at an alarming rate. In fact, his entire dashboard was filled with empty beer cans. Another pick-up truck worth noting might not have even been intended to be in the parade in the first place. It was battered and had a huge generator and amplifier system in the back brought into use by a driver who sang karaoke into a microphone while steering.

But even the pick-up trucks pulling floats and blasting music could not compete with the military parade. First lines of neatly dressed and pressed soldiers carrying flags, banners and weapons marched by in perfect order. Then came yet another pick-up truck blasting music followed closely by many more soldiers who were all ‘ramwonging’ and disco-ducking with wild abandon. You couldn’t have asked for more juxtaposition!

And what celebration in Thailand would be complete without a beauty contest? Competitions for titles the likes of Miss Big Angel and Miss Elephant feature very large competitors, while other competitions offer the name of the town, village or local fruit to the winner. These are held frequently throughout the country. When they are not happening, local shopping centres or festivals host a beauty contest of their own. Very young girls can be seen wearing bright red lipstick and the shortest of mini-skirts while trying to walk in platform shoes, while the older ones might sometimes choose to wear more traditional outfits.

When not gazing at parades or taking in beauty contests, the author has recently been looking around for some ultimate Thailand souvenirs to take with her when she leaves the country at the end of this year. (Surprise!) Imagine her delight when she spotted miniature red Thai postal boxes for sale at a local post office in Chiang Mai. A one-of-a-kind find, never before spotted at any other post office in the nation. Five models available, all for the very low price 120 baht (US$3.00) each. One even had the author’s very own Bangkok postcode written on the side! Sold! The postal workers were very pleased at making perhaps the first sale ever of these doo-dads and obviously hadn’t sold any of the things in a very long time as every employee was called into action to try and find out exactly where the ones for sale were kept.

As if finding the postbox wasn’t amazing enough, the author spotted the second fire truck of her four years in Thailand and it was even in action! All of the firemen were obviously very excited about this, too, and were standing on the roof as it hurled down the road causing them all to nearly be decapitated by the limb of an unfriendly tree.

We are finally coming to the end of the ‘rainy season’ (it seems it rains whenever it feels like it year-round) and entering the ‘cool season’ (which is still pretty darn hot) here in Thailand. Recently I was trying to get home via public transportation pick-ups in the early evening and, as usual, rain was dumping down from the sky. All of the drivers stated that their fares were doubled that evening due to rain. Eventually I had to give in, as no one was willing to charge the standard rate. Imagine this happening in London or New York City! Actually, I am not sure which is more ridiculous; the behaviour of the pick-up truck drivers or that of the traffic police. As roads get clogged with rain and traffic and no driver pays the least bit of attention to any traffic law, pedestrians are forced to step out into oncoming traffic to cross the street because no one will stop for them at which point, if they are unlucky, they might be handed a 200-baht fine for jaywalking.

While you wait to cross the street (it could take forever), keep your eyes open for all of the hip new helmet accessories. As the motorcycle driver comes hurtling down the sidewalk at you, he might have a cute pair of plastic kitty ears attached to his helmet or (my favourite one yet) modified the helmet himself using a drill to install gigantic Herman Munster looking nuts and bolts coming out of the sides.

You just gotta love Thailand.

Think of arak, grappa, red wine, tequila, brandy, whiskey or toddy and the different images or places that these drinks conjure up. Although all can be found in Thailand, if you’re looking for that special indigenous brew, keep your eyes open for the local ‘lao khao’ stall. Rice whiskey (and its variations) is the drink favoured by locals at the end of the day.

If you see a dimly lit bar made out of bamboo filled with locals strumming guitars, a pickup truck that has many different bottles stacked upright in orderly fashion in the back with plastic barstools around it or a small and inconspicuous looking table on the side of the street with rows of whiskey bottles and metal shot glasses on hand, you are likely heading in the right direction.

You can also buy ‘lao khao’ in local stores but you’ll miss out on the experience of hanging out with fellow ‘lao khao’ drinkers and the cheers and shouts of encouragement as your raise your glass up to your lips, probably not for the last time. Stick around long enough and you will realise that many of these bars double as drive-thrus. A motorcyle driver will pull up, put his baht on the table and have a shot of ‘lao khao’ poured. Down the hatch and off he goes.

Calling ‘lao khao’ similar in taste to sake is indeed being too kind. But the Thais solve this problem by taking a piece of cheesecloth, piling herbs, wood sap, dried fruit and/or spices in it, tying it up, and dropping it in a large container of ‘lao khao.’ After it sits for a few days, ‘lao yadong’ is the result. The once almost undrinkable ‘lao khao’ goes down a bit easier due to all of the special ingredients that have gone into it. On top of that, this new brew is now said to possess healing powers and usually given a very far-out sounding name.

‘Lao yadong’ stalls can be spotted by keeping your eyes open for very large and labeled glass jugs with tops (usually red) on them sitting in a row on a bar. You’ll see the cheesecloth still floating. Although bartenders are not likely to tell you what went into making it as it is a trade secret, they will be quick to list the healing properties you can expect if you buy a shot of the appropriate cure. Do you have pre-menstrual cramps? Feel low on energy? Are you impotent? Having fertility problems? Suffering from a headache or poor circulation? The jar labelled Joke 69, Black Superman, Red Spirit, Double Margin, The Horse That Kicked the Door In, Bin Laden Love Course, or Success 007 could offer just the solution for you!

Although these different names offer different cures, they don’t offer a wide variety of tastes. A shot is likely to resemble something between Jagermeister and rubbing alcohol. But as the alcohol percentage is 40 percent or so, after a few it just doesn’t matter anymore and that ‘health problem’ seems to get better and better. One drink will cost 5-15 baht (US$0.13-0.38) so you certainly aren’t going to go broke sampling the whole gamut but you probably aren’t going to be able to walk afterwards, either. Hanging out at one of these local watering stalls inevitably involves having everyone ask you where you come from and how old you are again and again. As the night progresses, it tends to involve group singing and guitar playing as well as cheering when a car, dog, motorcycle, tourist or truck goes by.

‘Lao khao’ has been being distilled in Thailand for thousands of years but in 1974 the Finance Ministry passed a law setting minimum financial investments (US$46,000-912,000) before one could legally produce high percentage alcohol. Since 1988, ‘lao khao’ producers also have the option of registering as a co-operative and obtaining a license, but large minimum financial investments, a production requirement of 30,000 litres per day and environmental zoning rules are a deterrent.

Almost all producers of ‘lao khao’ carry on illegally but you’d never guess it. Well, almost. The watering holes serving the stuff are usually in dimly lit places. The distillers do get arrested and occasionally petition the government to change the laws regarding home-brewing. Shipments of ‘lao khao’ get seized. And policeman can often be found enjoying a shot or two of the stuff right along with everyone else.

When you wake up the next morning cursing yourself, just remember you did it not only for your health but also for the cultural experience. ‘Lao khao’ came on the scene long before Johnnie Walker, Heineken, Long Island iced tea or tourists turned up and it’s not going anywhere.

Muay Thai sparks the imagination of people around the world and is the reason more foreigners than you think come to Thailand. (See back issues: Muay Thai 21 Oct 2002, http://www.bangkokpost.com/kat/archives/211002a.html) The chance to train at a muay thai camp, learn the ultimate martial art and become fit as a fiddle holds immense appeal all over the world. For Thais, however, it may be one of the few life options they have.

I recently spent two evenings at a respected muay thai training camp in northern Thailand (see Lanna Muay Thai Boxing Camp, 4 Nov, 2002: http://www.bangkokpost.com/chiangmai/attract/041102_attract01.html), where I had the chance to interview three boxers after they had finished their strenuous evening training routines.

There are a total of about 30 boxers training at the camp at any one time including Thais, foreigners, men, women and children. Three brothers are residents of the camp and I spoke to two of them regarding their experiences. Choun (age 23) and Somphong (age 16) have been training for the last eight and five years respectively and are happy to do so. They explained, “They (the owners) give us money and let us go to school. It is not like this at many of the other camps.”

Their parents live outside of Chiang Mai and although the boys are still close to their family and visit them a few times a month, Somphong explained, “They don’t have any money. With muay thai I can fight, get money, and go to school. I don’t want to be a farmer. At the end of the day you are more tired than when you are a muay thai boxer and you have no money. I can fight one or two times a month and get 1,500 baht each time. I buy books, shirts and shoes.” He is currently studying Computer Science. “I like it so much! In the future I would like to be a policeman or go to England and have a computer business or be an accountant. If I make a lot of money, I’ll give it to my parents.”

Choun’s plans are quite a bit different from those of his brother. He has already spent one year in China teaching muay thai at a university. “I broke my hand two times fighting already, so I don’t think I can be a champion anymore. I won two belts in Northern Thailand competitions. I want to teach muay thai in the future. As a muay thai teacher, you get a lot of respect. But I did not like my time in China.” Choun is not currently in school but is considering going back to continue studying marketing.

Both boys enjoy watching TV, playing football and viewing muay thai videos. They have Sundays off. Jono is a 22-year-old Englishman who was training for the fourth time at the camp. He’s been studying muay thai for the last three years and all of his training has been in Thailand. “I am a professional fighter but I have got a long way to go. My life is boxing and working. I live at the camp. I eat, drink and do everything with the Thais. I sleep in the equipment room,” he said. He can earn 1,500 baht a fight, of which the camp takes half.

When asked why he chose to learn muay thai, he answered, “It is the most real martial art. You train to fight. It is about the ring, proving yourself and showing your heart. It is about brotherhood. There is a lot of respect between the students and the teachers.”

When questioned about the gruelling training programme he stated, “There are days you wake up and ask yourself ‘Why am I here?’ but it is like going to school. You make the most of it, have fun, learn and try to achieve something.” He’s already had fourteen fights, broken a knuckle and received fourteen stitches in his face. “You tend to have a lot of walking problems after a match!” he declared.

When asked about the motivation for farangs training at the camp as compared to Thais, he stated, “You might already know this but most of the Thais don’t really want to be here. It is a choice in a limited life route. They can farm, work at a factory or become a muay thai fighter. The foreigners are here for the fun. The Thais are here for the money. The biggest difference between the Thais and the foreigners is the fact that the Thais have no fear when it comes to the fight. They have been brought up around it.”

When questioned about their muay thai experiences, Choun answered, “I have fun. I make money. No muay thai means no money.” Somphong chimed in, “It hurts a bit!” Jono replied, “I love it

People frequently ask me what are some of the more interesting things to do while in Thailand. My answers generally include a visit to the southern beach town of Krabi complete with sea-canoe ride, a journey to the splendid temples of Sukhothai, a tour of the teak home in Bangkok formerly owned by Jim Thompson and a ride along any available khlong (canal) or river. But what about finding a spot (be it sitting on a shaded section of curb or in a pub with a good view) and spending a good while simply watching the traffic go by? In my opinion, this could potentially provide more insight into Thailand and more photo opportunities than any organised tour in the country.

Think of a pick-up truck. In the United States, pick-up truck owners might occasionally have the need to haul some wood or help a friend move but usually most of the pick-up beds you see are empty. This would certainly be a point of confusion for Thais visiting the country. In Thailand, a pick-up truck is the ultimate modern workhorse and is only seen empty shortly after it has dropped off the load of whatever it was carrying in the first place.

If you put a high-roofed cap on the back and stick two long benches along the side, you have a ’sawng taew’ or two-bench public transportation pick-up truck. You can proceed to drive around town and pick up passengers for 10-40 baht a head (US$.25-1.00) and bring them to their destinations. Or better yet, you can fit towering side gates and a roof rack and proceed to stack rice, hay, wood, vegetables, fruit, crates of chickens, propane tanks or anything else you can think of sky high. The load that your truck can carry when properly outfitted with side gates can be four times higher than your roof. Occasionally you can see truck beds snapped in half or axles that have bitten the dust but the general rule-of-thumb is ‘the higher the pile, the better.’ A pick-up truck can also be used to transport 40 people to and from work each day.

Think of a motorcycle. In the United States, owners enjoy riding down sunny scenic roads on their choppers. Motorcycles are for enjoyment. “How odd that there isn’t an ice cream cooler, charcoal grill, bubbling pot of hot broth for cooking noodles or a glass case displaying various sausages attached to the side!” most Thais would think.

A motorcycle in Thailand is the ultimate symbol of diversity. It can be used to bring the kids to school in the morning and return with all the kids plus a week’s worth of groceries in the evening. It also can be used to sell almost any kind of food you can think of. Metal vending stalls with wheels (somewhat similar to the hollow shell of a hotdog stand) are strapped on as sidecars to become mobile restaurants and bars. Another option is to use your motorcycle as you would a pick-up truck by having an empty metal cart-like sidecar. This empty sidecar can carry anything a pick-up truck can - just in smaller quantities. Dogs seem to truly enjoy riding in them, too.

Now on to perhaps the most famous of Thai vehicles: the tuk-tuk. These noisy little things can be found all over Thailand. If one were to suddenly appear on any street in the United States, heads would turn while mouths declared, “What the heck is that?!” Tuk-tuks are basically motorcycles with a two-wheeled passenger cage attached to the back, another fine example of the diversity of motorcycle use in Thailand. Tuk-tuks are unique and annoying but lovable. This makes them a popular form of transport with tourists (a favourite tuk-tuk driver event being the ‘one set of wheels off the ground while taking a sharp curve in order to terrify the passengers’ routine). The author recently road home in a tuk-tuk that had nine people inside of it, so it is best to never underestimate what these machines are capable of.

All vehicles listed in this article can also be easily used as a bed. It is common to find people sleeping on top of that huge pile on the pick-up truck, with their heads down on the handlebars while sitting on the seat of the motorcycle, or curled up on the back seat of a tuk-tuk.

Sure, there are vehicles that are used only for enjoyment in Thailand, but they are the minority and have none of the colour or finesse found in their hard-working counterparts. In Thailand, if it has wheels, it generally gets put to work in any way possible. A vehicle has to earn its keep, pure and simple.